Page 28 - 14 Apr 2014
Average rating: 5.00
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Page 28 [Posted by CursedArtist on 14 Apr 2014]

So this set of pages was kind of mean, I really don't like setting up 'false cliffhangers' I think they are kind of cheap...even though this is the second time I have done it, but I used it to show Avarands character a little better, so please forgive me :P



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Feedback [Posted by Dave_Kun on 16 Apr 2014]

it's interesting, having a lot of fans and only a few comment. o.o

anyways, feedback is important in every creative medium, and that's what I'm here to to provide. With that being said, I'm sorry if I sound like a jerk. So let me begin by saying that your art is good. It's pleasant to look at, I like the way you draw hair, in fact I'm a little jealous, haha. So art's subjective and I find it to be good. While character designs seems to be very basic, it's good. You can tell them apart. Art from page to page is constant and even on the pages where you seem to lack that artistic spark (we all have those days, comics wear you out creatively wise)the art is constant enough to hardly notice. So good job on that! I see that you grabbed a lot of inspiration from Attack on titan, and that's fine. We all grab inspiration from somewhere. So you have the art thing down in this comic, I can only see it getting better from here. With the art subject out the way I want to mention the story-- the plot-- the writing. This is probably the weakest fort of the comic. While I get that webcomics are done for the enjoyment, that doesn't mean you can't ignore some story basics. The way the story progresses is ... forced. Things happen because clearly they're pushed unnatural to happen. Chase seems to just KNOW things. I get that the point here is that Chase is smart. But as we see what he thinks we don't see his train of thought. He just knows be cause he thinks it makes sense. That's not how figuring things out work on someone's mind. Characterization in general for this comic is very one dimensional. I understand that this takes time to set up, but with the events that have unfolded so far, it seems like these characters have to personality. Everyone lacks depth. So that's something to watch out for. Interesting characters are as important as an interesting story. Now as for the action of the comic. It's good. it's well done and well drawn. The thing to watch out for is WHY have a battle. so far from the 3 fights that there's been on the comic so far 2 of the just left me thinking "Ooookay. So what was the point of that?" Which takes us back to the writing. It all feels unnatural and forced. Also, the punctuation and sentence structure is a little off on a few pages. I see it as a minor thing since it's the way characters talk. But it's still something to watch out for. Lastly, I could see where you are going with is and my advice is: don't take long with the set up. You can explain things as you ago along and jump straight on the action. The flow of the character interactions also feel unnatural.

So again. Sorry if I sound like a jerk. I mean this to help you, not insult your comic. No comic is perfect and they don't have to be.

anyways, +Fave and hopefully this feedback was of some help.

P.S: I had written a much longer and insightful feedback but something happened and it didn't submit, haha. Here I touched what I thought it was the most important. anything concerning this feedback PM me or reply here. I'll gladly help answer any questions you may have about this.



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[Posted by CursedArtist on 16 Apr 2014]

@Dave_Kun: Hey there thanks for the feedback means a lot to get so much from someone (also I am unsure about the lack of comments from readers haha)

Anyway I should address a few things really, Cursed was my first real attempt to start a story, the first 6- 7 pages was all I was planning really it was a neat set up and I wanted to try out a few things, as Cursed picked up in popularity (at least more so than any other artwork I have done) I decided to keep it going, but with very little planning ahead I can see now the amount of issues I caused, the idea was the blend Cursed with another idea I had written which meant I Had to get Chase in to the group he is now very quickly, the first chapter was a fairly rushed attempt to get the characters in to position, honestly I have put myself now in a position that Cursed will suffer due to its very weak opening regardless of what I plan to do from here on out, its an issue I have been thinking to myself for a very long time, I wanted to get Chase into this set up so I could allow things to settle a little, meaning I again had to move him from A to B very quickly, and its been a huge worry for me that the only way to fix this would be a complete rewrite of the early story, or starting a brand new story (One of which I am currently creating now, new setting, characters with what I have learnt from Cursed)

As I said this was my first attempt at any type of real writing and it of course shows, I do hope the later pages once Chase and Mei become a main focus become a lot better to read through, the one thing I KNOW for a fact I struggle with is openings, I get bored with the set up and when it can take half a year to get a character to where you actually want them to be that can become a very stressful experience, at least for me personally.

I should also point out I do not mind harsh criticism one bit, if its constructive I want to hear it, it's the only way to improve



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[Posted by RoseRedBloodRed on 17 Apr 2014]

This comic is very much salvageable. Hope is not lost. You have created many questions throughout the story. Many of these questions, however, can be answered. You do not have to redo the entire comic. You simply have to answer these questions as you go along. I can read through it and give you a list of questions that seem to need answering as I read, then, as you go along you can answer these questions. You can refer to the list of questions as you create each new chapter.

More importantly, if you do plan to continue this, it is important to delve into the idea of this "game" and perhaps inform your readers of how the game started and perhaps explore the character Shiro a bit more in the coming chapters. Why did he attack Chase, how much does he truly know about this "curse" and why is he "helping" Chase?



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[Posted by CursedArtist on 17 Apr 2014]

@RoseRedBloodRed:

Probably bad wording from me, I was not considering killing the comic, it was more of a larger worry that the start of the comic might need re-doing later down the line, as I hope the writing will improve so I would hate for people to be turned off by the start of the comic.

Also I will say I do not set up a question (Such as Shiros whole role in the story, and the 'game') Without an answer. When I said it was not planned out I was referring to the flow of the story how does a character get from situation A to situation B, its kind of all done on a whim right now, though after this feedback I will be sitting down to really writing and plan everything out now for sure. The game itself has been very thought out as that was the original idea.

I am very glad to be hearing from readers though its great.



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[Posted by Dave_Kun on 17 Apr 2014]

@CursedArtist: You welcome! Glad to be of some help. I tend to go around and provide feedback to comics whenever I can, haha.

So for a first attempt, you did good. You're not relying in too many cliches and I get how not planning pages ahead could hurt the comic story wise. So it's good to have an overall picture of what you want per chapter, or doing it the good old way and sketch each page. To have a basis to rely on. I wouldn't worry about the weak opening. Not many can tell a story right off the bat. Heck, some of the best stories start out slow and kinda boring and eventually develop amazingly. Take The Avengers movie for example. The first 40 minutes where VERY boring but at the end it was all worth it. So it's ok to have a weak opening. Just keep making each chapter bigger than the last you'll be fine. Plus, the beginning wasn't THAT bad. There are a million ways you can work with it. So relax and be proud of your work. If you doubt yourself it shows, so just be confident on the work. Loyal readers will read what you have to offer. In the end that's who matters, haha.

Also, I see you're looking for a co-writer. I'd be more than glad to help. So if anything shoot me a PM and we can discuss that there so I don't take up too much your comment section space :P


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